Scat

I have a very hard time saying that I don't care for a book. Perhaps, by having the guts to admit I don't really like Scat by Carl Hiaasen, this could be a very interesting review today. I didn't like it!

Let me start by saying that I am in no way a tree-hugging environmentalist. I adore animals. I want to play with lions. I get warm and fuzzy holding a gorgeous python. I can find beauty in feeling a tarantula crawl down my face. Am I sad about the polar bears? Yes. Is saving them my passion? No. Can I get excited about a book all about saving a Florida panther? I guess not.

The Black Vine Swamp is home to various flora and fauna including the endangered Florida panther. There are less than 100 in the world today according to this novel. It is illegal to kill them and illegal to disturb their hunting grounds. Mrs. Starch, 6th-grade biology teacher, possible witch and most-feared teacher in the school, takes her class on a field trip to explore the swamp and its inhabitants. A swamp fire forces the class to cut their field trip short and head back to school. Mrs. Starch stays behind to retrieve a student's inhaler and then vanishes.

In Mrs. Starch's biology class the previous day, she had an altercation with a student, juvenile deliquent, known as "Smoke." She pointed a pencil at him and he not only bit it in half, but chewed it and swallowed it graphite and all. He also threatened her, but you couldn't blame him. Mrs. Starch is known for her bullying of students. So the fire and the disappearance of Mrs. Starch look like the work of Smoke ... a supposed pyromaniac. Of course there is more to that story than meets the eye.

I like the idea of Mrs. Starch. Everyone knows a Mrs. Starch, the hated teacher at school and usually hated because they make you work so hard. Looking back on my own education, these are the teachers I love and respect the most. Her physical description bothers me though. She wears her makeup "rolled on like paint." Her hair is processed. These are things I would definitely NOT associate with a woman who wants to save endangered species. I get this image of a hooker and not an educated, stern environmentalist. It doesn't help that her first name is Bunny.

The main character is Nick, one of her students. I really don't have much to say about him. He's rather uninteresting really. The most memorable thing for me is that his dad is a Captain in the Florida Army National Guard and is serving in Iraq. He gets injured and is sent home missing his right arm and most of his shoulder. I'm married to a retired Captain of the Illinois Army National Guard. I've lived it. And I don't care for the way it is portrayed in the book. I have a hard time believing that a stereotypical environmentalist can accurately write about the feelings of a military family. It was almost as if he wanted to say something against the war, but didn't do it. I've never met a 6th-grade son of a soldier who is this wishy washy about his father's service to his country.

The true bad guy in this book is Drake McBride. He is the good-for-nothing, greedy son of a wealthy man. His father is giving him one last chance to make something of himself and then he is cut off. McBride uses the last of his funds from his father to start an oil-drilling business on a section of the Black Vine Swamp that he has legally purchased. Unfortunately, there is no oil to be found on his portion of the land. But he knows that there is oil on the adjacent, State of Florida-owned section and he intends to set up a pirate drill and make his jillions illegally. He just needs to keep the authorities away. Jimmy Lee Bayless is McBride's right-hand-man. Among his job responsibilities, keeping the authorities away is first on his list.

Now, while I'm talking about greed and wealth, it bothers me that three of the important adults in this book are wealthy. I've already covered McBride, the bad. There is Twilly the Environmentalist who uses his wealth for the good of the environment. He prefers to sleep in the swamp among the gators rather than to live in a house in the city. His needs, supplies, are all choppered in. At the same time, he leads our young readers to believe that it is okay to strip a guy naked and superglue him to a tree. Or strip a guy naked and spray paint him orange. Or steal pipes. Or disable a pickup truck as long as you are on the right side.

The third rich adult is Millie Winship, Smoke's grandmother. She pays for his education at a private school. She makes donations to ensure that he is not expelled. She buys high-powered lawyers to plea bargain for her delinquent grandson. And she takes her grandson and son-in-law out to dinner perhaps to alleviate the guilt she feels that her daughter abandoned the two. Really, is this a book for middle and high schoolers? Or is it an adult book that is toned down with a few kids thrown in for a greater audience?

This is Hiaasen's third novel for juveniles. He primarily writes for adults. I've read Hoot, but not Flush. I don't think I will. I've heard that he uses the same plot lines and Scat was relatively predictable. Still there are many that LOVE it. Just not me. And that's okay. By the way, there are a few instances of "damn" said by adults and one "dumbass". (I'd give you the links for Hoot and Flush, but the server seems to be down. My apologies.)