PAY ATTENTION! I’m Gobber the Belch
and I’m the soldier in charge of this book review!
SILENCE! Anyone to speak has limpets
for lunch for the next THREE WEEKS! YES! They are a bit like WORMS and a bit
like SNOT and a lot less tasty than either, but I am in charge and that is an
ORDER!
I will be leading you through this
book review, although I am, admittedly, completely useless for this job. I will
do it because I was ordered to by Stoick the Vast, O Hear His Name and Tremble,
Ugh, Ugh, the CHIEF of the Tribe of the Hairy Hooligans, and that’s the way
things go with us Vikings. Where do you think you are, the REPUBLIC OF ROME?
Anyway, that is the least of your problems today. You are here to prove
yourself as a Viking Hero. And it is an ancient tradition of the Hooligan Tribe
that you should … … FIRST CATCH YOUR DRAGON!
WAIT!
That’s the dragon initiation test … …
FIRST READ THE BOOK!
You see, this is the story of how to
become a hero the HARD WAY! And if you are smart, you have already read all of
the books in the How to Train Your Dragon series. You would have to be IDIOTICALLY STUPID not to have
done so.
Sometimes, becoming a hero the hard
way involves a little bit of BRAINS and a whole lot of PERSEVERANCE. Sometimes
it requires being banished into EXILE and living alone with your two itty bitty
dragon friends who live in your waistcoat. Sometimes it requires wearing a
helmet that is far too LARGE for you and gets in the way of your line of
sights. And FINALLY, sometimes it requires wearing a fireproof dragon suit.
Becoming a hero the hard way might
mean facing the two most important personages in your life. In this, the book
numbered TEN, my one time STUDENT, and now my KING, must stand up to both his
mother, Valhallarama, and his father, Chief Stoick. He must prove that … … (i
cannot believe i am saying this) … … sometimes, OCCASIONALLY, brains can
overpower brawn. Loyalty outweighs self-preservation. And faith will see you
through, EVEN THROUGH A DESERT SEA OF RED SAND WHEN ALL HOPE IS LOST AND YOU
ARE STANDING AT THE ZERO HOUR!
Finally, sometimes the scariest thing
in the archipelago is not a DARKBREATHER, MONSTROUS STRANGULATOR OR A BURROWING
SLITHERFANG. No, sometimes the scariest thing in the archipelago is a little
girl with black hair and big, doomy eyes, dressed in a BEAR SUIT!!
EEEEEEKKKKKKKEEEEEE!
WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT … … READ THE
BOOK!
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